The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid..

A couple of excerpts from Bill Bryson's book which I liked immensely.. (It's not plagiarism if you mention the source :P)
Here Bill describes Mr Milton's dive from the tallest platform into lake Ahquabi in Iowa..



I don't know what happened - whether he lost his nerve or realized he was approaching the water with a murderous velocity or what - but about 3 quarters of the way down he seemed to have second thoughts about the whole business and suddenly began to flail like someone who's chute hadn't opened. When he was perhaps 30 ft above the water he gave up flailing and tried a new tack. He spread his arms and legs wide, in the shape of an X, evidently hoping that exposing maximum amount of surface  area would somehow slow his fall..
It didn't.
He hit the water -impacted really is the word for it at approximately 600 miles an hour. At such a speed water effectively becomes a solid. I don't believe Mr Milton penetrated it at all, but just bounced off it about 15 feet, limbs suddenly very loose and then lay on top of the water, still, like an autumn leaf, spinning gently..


Another one describing how they dealt with school bullies in their time..


Their speciality was to torment any children smaller than them which was all children. The Butters were big to begin with but because they were held back year after year, they were much much larger than any other child in their class. 
Generally the best option was to have some small kid that you could offer as a sacrifice. Lumpy Kowalski was ideal for this as he was indifferent to pain and fear, or possibly just didn't speak. (It was never clear which). 
Also the Butters  were certain to be grossed out by his dirty pants, so they would merely paw him for a bit and then withdraw with pained, confused faces.




(Adopted from Bill Bryson's 'The life and times of the Thunderbolt Kid')

Are baba.. think simple..think stupid..

So I was at Aunty's Co-op Store buying the weekly rations (which in my case consists of 2235773483421 packets of Maggi and a slightly fewer number of Ruffles Lays packets.. take that you smirking gym goers. Atleast I lead a happy life..)

So anyway I'm done with my purchases and about to leave when in strides Prof Murthi. (yea the God of Distribution and Sales Mgmt fame..) He looks around with his characteristic restlessness, mutters something to aunty in Tamil, looks at me and says.. " So you hotshot MBAs, if you could change one thing in this shop to increase profits immediately what would you start with? "

Marketing student that I am, if there's one thing I've learnt, it's to never answer in 1 line what you could in 20. We marketing folks consider it our divine duty to answer a question with so much of irrelevant mumbo jumbo that the the guy asking the question either runs away shrieking, smashes your head to smithereens, kills himself or (n this is if you are really unlucky) launches into a marketing argument of his own..

So there I was using terms like 'low hanging fruits', 'supplier relationships','voice of the customer' and 'monthly burn' with reckless abandon, when he smiles and says in his characteristic baritone 'Are baba all you are taking about will follow soon. All this will cost money. But what comes first? What can you do without spending a dime?'

N then it hit me. Sometimes we are so engrossed in our solutions, we forget the original problem. Instead of analyzing the problem and trying to find a solution, we try to force fit our solution to the problem.

For the sake of closure, the solution of course was to identify which objects weren't being sold and just occupying shelf space cannibalizing other sales. Items like pillows, bedsheets and buckets which students generally buy in the beginning of the year (and not 6 months into the term) lay there staring at me and suddenly it all fit in.. What a sheer waste of valuable shelf space!

Important Lesson learnt: Always start afresh. Baggage is the biggest barrier to a consulting assignment..

Blog fri(tw)ittered away..

The posts have steadily reduced to a trickle and what was once a willful and enjoyable pastime has today almost become a burden on my mental faculties.. Why on earth this sea change ? Why is it that twitter seems so appealing and my once beloved blog has been relegated to the backburner? Is small the new sexy? Or have I just gone from articulate to bumbler?

In case you haven't gotten the drift yet, Twitter's taken the place of my blog. As with all things modern, it's crisp, effortless and trendy. Captures mind space and doesn't tax your creativity for more than a line or two. The piecemeal idea of frequent short updates spread over a course of the day seems a much better outlet to caged thoughts within rather than the one long all-encompassing approach of a blog.

But come to think of it who's stopping you from maintaining your blog posts like twitter? there isn't a minimum word limit after all to a blog post anyways.. N now since this is going nowhere lets bring this short tirade of self indulgence to a premature end by just saying 'I'm definitely gonna try to be more regular with my posts..'

Sensei Bose– the reawakening of the Rebel!

My entry for Metrotopia - the superhero branding competition...

Name: Sensei Bose

Superpowers: Eternal youth, superhuman strength

USP: Invisibility cloak of Renkoji

City & Reasons: Delhi is the crime capital of the country. It witnesses the highest number of violent crimes in India including murder, rape, dowry deaths, molestation and kidnapping. In 2007, the crime rate in Delhi stood at 357 cases per 100,000 people, against a national average of 167. In 2009 alone, 53244 criminal cases including 467 murders, 581 rapes, 1764 dacoit attacks and other heinous crimes have been recorded in Delhi. 

If there ever was a city in need of a superhero, it is indeed Delhi.

Background Story:

Day: Monday, Oct 19^th 2009 Place: Thuan Monastery, Japan

He lay back on the armchair and closed his eyes… he had a premonition of ill tidings. His premonitions were rarely wrong... His thoughts wandered back, to the night of that fateful plane crash in Tapei 65 years ago..

----------------

To the world, Aug 18 1945 took the life of one of India’s greatest freedom fighters, Subhash Chandra Bose – feverish investigations and rumors fuelled by the Indian government’s secrecy soon subsided, as India became more preoccupied with celebrating her new found independence. 

The K-21 heavy bomber had just lifted off fromTaihoku (Taipei) when there was a terrific explosion and the plane started vibrating heavily. ‘It’s a bomb. The cowards.. the main fuel line is ripped..We’re losing altitude!’ shouted Habibur Khan, his trusted aide. There was a resounding explosion and the acrylic stench of burnt flesh – that was the last thing Bose remembered before blackness prevailed…

It was a year before those eyes opened again… He tried to move but atrophy had overpowered his limbs. His dry crackled groan prompted a worried young monk to call the Marpapa. That was the first time he laid eyes on Master Thich Thai Thuan. There was a twinkle in his old wise eyes. He spoke and Bose could immediately sense a strange power emanating from that voice, ‘Sensei Bose, it indeed gladdens me to see you awake. Take rest now, we will speak when you are stronger!’ Bose drifted off again..

From that day on, Bose’s recovery was swift, willed on by his steely grit. He realized very soon that something was different.. He had crystal clear vision even without his charred thick rimmed glasses.. He had already noticed that all his flab was gone and his body looked much more supple and healthy. His aging limbs had become muscular and sinewy. His mind was raging with a million questions. Where was he? How did he survive that horrendous crash? What had they done to him? But Thuan didn’t seem to be in a hurry to answer his questions.. Any attempt to get answers was met with a calm smile and ‘All in good time Master Bose’.. It frustrated him no end, this calm countenance..

A week later Bose was allowed to venture out to the river.. He approached the crystal clear water and recoiled in horror… he couldn’t recognize his own face!! A handsome stranger stared back at him from the waters..

He burst into Master Thuan’s study ‘What have you done to me? What trickery is this? I want to know!’Master Thuan sighed and beckoned him to sit down..

” Master Bose, when you were brought to this temple, you were on the verge of death - Your face and neck were completely charred, your limbs broken! I had no alternative but to use our most closely guarded potion– the ‘furousen’ – the fountain of youth to save your life. You will never age. The Furousen also brings with it other powers which you will learn in due course.. “

Half a century later he was still discovering the full extent of his powers..

----------------

‘Aaaaaaahhhhh!!!’ The cry of anguish awoke him from his reverie.. ‘Oh my God! Master Thuan..’ he knew instantly. He rushed to the master’s quarters.. Thuan lay in a pool of dark blood, ‘Bose.. my friend. There is no time..it was Kalia!’ he coughed violently spitting out blood, ‘return to India. I...I stopped you all these years. But now the time has come.. My room.. The attic.. box..’ and he fell down motionless.

Bose had been trained enough to know that there was no time to lose.. he rushed to the master’s room, opened the trapdoor to the attic, and thrust the wrought iron chest under his cloak before jumping out of the window into the swirling waters below. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the entire monastery burst into one gigantic ball of fire..

The strong icy cold current and jagged rocks would have killed any ordinary mortal in an instant. But Bose was no ordinary mortal. He swam effortlessly and broke into a run as soon as he hit the bank not even pausing to catch a breath…

The next day a clean shaven, handsome young man dressed in a business suit boarded the flight from Tokyo to Delhi. The large iron chest did warrant a second look, but the false bottom and its deadly contents escaped the attention of the overworked airport crew.. 

Kalia! Bose knew that Kalia was the dreaded henchman of Shaitansingh, the dreaded politician and naxal warlord who ran his drug and human trafficking business out of Delhi.. 

Attire: Bose looked at himself in the cracked mirror at the cheap Delhi hotel. Not bad for a 112 year old he thought. Virgin alloy plated Japanese armor which couldn’t be pierced by bullet or blade, adorned his proud torso. At his hip swayed the dreaded twin blades of Shinkoji shimmering in the twilight. The large crossbow of Tsun Jo (folklore had it that this bow had never missed its target) swung effortlessly from his broad shoulders. Wrapped around his neck was the famed invisibility cloak of Renkoji. Twin ankle holsters carried the daggers of Time, betraying their supernatural origins through a pale blue glow.

The rebel was ready for retribution..

Blue - A review

Yesterday I blew 140 bucks on Blue,

sadly none of the actors seemed to have a clue.

Lara doesnt leave much to imagination,

sanjay Dutt seems to have a perennial bout of indigestion.

Akshay Kumar looks more like a goat,

The biggest role in the movie is that of the boat.

Zayed falls for Katrina's guiles,

The lacklustre comedy fails to even bring smiles.

Fail to see where all the money was spent,

this mindless drivel wont even earn enough to pay rent.

N since I'm running out of rhyming verses,

I'll stop before you ladies hit me with your purses.. (sorry kuch aur ja nahi rahi tha)

Pigs can fly!!

We had a few creative snaps taken for the Placement brochure. After the photoshoot was done it was time for some of our own creative juices to kick in...

                Step 1: The constipated look on our faces

                     Step 2: Take off!

                                                                

                                 Step 3: In full flight!

Good times... Sure is fun to be a student again!!

Placecom

Got into the Placement Committee! Yipppppeeee...

Tidings from Manamai...

On a lighter note here are a few images near Mayajaal (that's the huge mall around 50 kms from the Manmai Campus)The name of the shop is " Cargo Security and Detective Bureau" - Pretty impressive cover they have though... inside the shop they sell tea. Talk about diversification :)

 

Another picture I have is of two insects mating at Manamai beach. Now why do you have to go to Manamai beach to get a picture of two insects you may ask. Well go ahead and ask. To this my answer would be - it's my blog, I can pretty much put up whatever I want...:P

The last picture I want to leave you with, is when we went shopping to Mahabalipuram. They have these 4 seater rickshaws here in Chennai. Now sometimes they are a little stretched a little further than their capacity. On this particular occasion

 there were 13 people in one rickshaw! N guess what... Chinmay and I were part of the lucky 13... enjoy!

Week 1: Moving in..

March 22nd: We took the first flight in from Pune and reached Chennai at 7:30. The flight actually reached 15 minutes early, which was a novel thing for me. We moved to the old campus at Saidapet initially for registration. Later we were taken bag and baggage in tow to Green Coconut, a resort on the East Coast Road.

The next day we set off for our Outbound Training Camp called 'Adventure Zone' . The two day camp consisted of Rappelling, Rock Climbing, Obstacle Avoidance and an Orienteering schedule. Having had some prior experience at Rappelling I aced this easily. Rock climbing was a bigger challenge owing to my not so inconspicuous tummy. The Obstacle course and Orienteering was a lot of fun even though lot of us ended up with scraped knees. Nights consisted of people getting to know each other through idle chit chat, animated discussions and 'sutta' banter.

After the adventure trail,we were taken back to Green coconut. The next 3 days we basically spent watching the IPL, gobbling up gargantuan amounts of food and attending the occasional lecture in between.

An important event during this period was the inaguration of the new green campus and the convocation ceremony of the outgoing Champions batch at the Chennai Convention centre. Shashi Tharoor was the chief guest. Hearing him speak was a revelation. In fact he was by far the most effective orator I have heard by a long shot.

The new campus was inaugurated post lunch by Adi Godrej. Also present were Jamshed Godrej, Madhur Bajaj and T N Seshan besides of course the effervescent uncle Bala.

Another noteworthy episode in the first week was the first lecture of T N Seshan. This gentleman walked in at the stroke of 10. The first thing he said to the students was " I have to go back home at 12!". What followed during the next two hours was amazing. The normally boisterous crowd sat rapt in attention, as Seshan proceeded to recount his entire life story. He spoke of the days when he drove a bus as a transport commissioner. He spoke of the time he defied Rajiv Gandhi as his security in chief , to cut short his Sri Lanka trip in the light of a security threat. He spoke of the time when he was 'transferred' 7 times in a single day. He also proceeded to give us a brief history of India right from when Aryans migrated down south to India, right till Narsimha Rao brought liberalisation to India. Unbelievable to say the least... The best moment of the day was his answer to a student's query as to how he dealt with the stress of his long public service. His response was (and i quote) " Cheee.... Whaaaat stress! There is no such thing as stress!"

True to his word he left at 12 sharp leaving us all richer for the experience.

All in all a pretty satisfying week which set the tone for things to come... Cheers!

Change is here...

                   So it's official. I'm leaving the cosy desk job at IBM to pursue an MBA at Great Lakes Institute of Management, Chennai. For the uninitiated, it's a young college still finding it's feet. They offer a one year PGPM degree. Now for the reasons why i decided to take the plunge.

1. It's one of the few good 1 year programs in India, besides ISB and IIMA's PGPX.(Both of which have really steep fees, so were not as attractive in the current scenario). A one year course makes sense right now, given that I have 3 years of work ex under my belt.

2. The founders are the same as that of ISB. The Dean, Bala Balchandran (or Bala Uncle as he is fondly referred to by Glakers), a formidable Northwesterner conceptualised the institute and it has achieved a 100 percent placement record right since it's inception 4 years back, which is remarkable feat for such a fledgling institute.

3. Till recently Glakes was a non residential MBA program. But that's all set to change with the Patriots (batch of 2009-10) to move into a platinum rated campus near Mahabalipuram.

4. The rich and diverse profiles of the Greatlakers of 2009. The average batch experience is around 42 months. I have seen a doctor and a guy who's spent the last 3 years on a ship overseas amongst the current. That' speaks volumes for diversity.

5. I was also very impressed by their screening process where they took a holistic view of an individual into consideration. The entire interview, conference room meeting, profile marking  process was impressive to say the least.

6. The single occupancy rooms :-)

7. The empirical study with Yale and the option of dual specialization.

8. Lastly, high time I shift base from Pune. I've been in Pune for the first 24 years of my life and there is a general feeling (I wont take names) that I'm incapable of fending for myself.I want to put that theory to test. A year at Chennai would help put things in perspective.

SBI- Slowest Bank in India

It's that time of the year again... Dec 31st-  the mad scramble to fill in IT declarations... after a lot of goading from my parents, I made my way to SBI for my annual Dec 31st ritual - that of investing in something that takes minimum effort- The PPF.  I also needed to get my net-banking activated for a savings account.

        On the way to office I parked my bike and walked into the NCL Campus SBI branch. Shouldn't take me more than half hour I think to myself...The first thing I encounter is a full blooded fight between the watchman and one of the numerous credit card agents. They were having an in-depth discussion about each other's ancestry and to pass time whilst waiting in the line I decided to keep a count on the 'maa-ki' gaalis being exchanged. I reached 79 in a little over half an hour, when the portly branch manager intervened.  He sternly admonished both of them and having robbed me of my only source of entertainment,  proceeded into his cabin.

        I deposited my meager annual savings (the remains of my wanton frivolity), where after I was informed by the brusque clerk that the printer was not working cos their server was down. I put on the most innocent expression I could muster, and explained that I needed to submit investment proof in my company before 31st Dec. 

        Sensing a chance to dispense free advice, he started, " Toh pehle karneka na beta... tumhara generation na.. sab kuch last moment ke liye chod dete hai... " 

        I kept up my doe-eyed expression and finally he melted... " Voh darwaze ke paas madam hai na.. unko bolo... unke desk pe server chalu hoga"  Immediately the wiseass in me retorted..." Kya uncle, server har jagah chalu hota hai na.. udhar chalu hoga toh idhar bhi hoga na? isliye toh usko server bolte..."  

        Ignoring the dirts he gave me, I walked to the 'darwaze ke paas ke madam'...A huge line had built up in front of her so I decided to get the net-banking registration done first. Now in SBI, the branch manager issues online account IDs so I strode into his cabin...

 

The manager had the watchman and credit card agent in front of him and was giving them a mouthful...

 

Manager:- ( to the watchman) tumhala me atapasun paise nahi denare... purna paiseche daaru piun ithe hungama kartat...Ani tya agent la kiti shivi ghatle tumhi? Asa chalnar nahiye.. umhala aadhich sangun deto. 

(I wont pay you your salary from now on... U blow the whole thing on booze and come here stone drunk.. why did you abuse that guy? I won't let this happen..)

Watchman:- (surly expression on his face) Saaheb ata pasun nahi pinar... tumchi shapath..

(Sir I wont drink from now on... I swear on your head)

 

         He simmered down and asked the two warring parties to leave. He then turned his energies to me..." So you want online banking facility huh?" He asked, giving me a once over.

He proceeded to punch a few keys on his computer and  painstakingly entered my  account number. He kept punching every digit on the keyboard with a vengeance.

          5 minutes later when he finally finished entering the account number he realized with a grunt that he'd gotten the number wrong, deleted the entire account number and proceeded with the entire action again. Just when I'd begun harboring thoughts of calling my manager and taking the day off since this was gonna take a whole lot more time than I'd imagined, he looked up at me, asked my for identification proof..

          He scrutinized my PAN card carefully, then looked at me a couple of times...

"Photo toh match nahi ho raha hai..."

Me: Sir, yeh kafi time pehle nikala tha...

Manager: Han... tumne kafi weight gain kiya hai... tabhi patle the... (Damn you!  )

Me: (now losing my respectful patience, but somehow holding it in..) Han sir, voh toh hai...

Manager: Accha thike.. (gives me an envelope) yeh thik se rakhna bete.. Isme tumhara username password hai... Kisi ko batana nahi.. (There goes my plan of shouting out my password from the rooftops..) Ab yeh tumhara responsibility hai...

Me: han sir... thanku..

          I scooted from his cabin hoping I'd reach office in time for lunch... I went back to the never ending line near the darvaza... I reached the window and the lady says... "Aaj ka toh bandh ho gaya sir line" A little haggling with her, and I get the passbook updated and I'm off...A full two hours late..

         In these days of uber competitive banks and eager-to-please agents, the nonchalance of SBI is indeed a refreshing if not frustrating change.... 

               

UNSATISFIED.....

What is it that we want from life? Have you ever wondered about this ? I'm sure you have.... I mean something that you really really want....

Not that big promotion at work... Not that cosy little penthouse... Not that shiny new SUV... Not that investment portfolio that's heavier than Hrithik's benchpress... Not a gang of cronies hanging by your every word... toh phir kya?

In school, my ultimate goal in life was to become a peon in Loyola's... Wear those mud color work clothes, that congress topi, leave a trail of red paan spit behind you and boss over kids at school... Even the class bullies who used to pick on bespectacled nerds like me used to be wary of Dadaram shipai.. And the icing on the cake was getting to drive the big shiny red and yellow bus.. aah.... heaven...

With time came wisdom and 'Shipai' didn't seem like a very appealing career move anymore... Then came phases when the 'only thing I ever ever want to be in life' ranged from cricketer, to journalist, to Mallu matinee idol, to writer, to pilot (this one was nipped in the bud cos of my gigantic glasses... ), to weapons designer (yea.. this one was weird even by my standards)....

Then came a period of stability wherein my ambition remained pretty much stable at... ' I wanna be a couch potato... I'll live off my parents pension and stay with them all life long.. Maybe I can even talk my wife into working while I laze around at home...' This phase lasted for quite a while... But my dad's patience didn't, so that was that..

So here I am now writing code for an MNC.... Is this what I wanna do with my life? Is this my... kya kehte usse... Laksha? I wish I could act all cool n say.. No this is not my true calling... I'm made for much bigger better things... But truth be told... I dont know...

What if I never ever do know? Is that such a bad thing... I have a nice little life chalked out for myself.. Would it be such a bad thing if I never ever found something I'm better at than this ? Work from 10 - 8 on weekdays, the occasional movie on a weekend, hanging around in a city I was born in and have grown to love... I think it's not too shabby an arrangement...

N what If I do find my true calling whilst going thru the proverbial mid-life crisis? Will I switch from a well-settled job to pursue my dreams...at the risk of losing a comfy lifestyle I've grown accustomed to? Would you?

Again... truth be told.... I don't know...All in all.... Whatever I may became, I just hope I remain one thing... ME...(I know... cliched..) cos frankly I think that's a pretty good person to be.. (Applause! Applause!)

What's with the fuss anyways...

So you have the birthday of a close friend coming up... the real chaddi buddy types. whaddya do?

1. Put in some deep thought and buy a real meaningful gift. One that leaves your friend emotionally drained and you financially drained.

2. Laze around till the last moment - that's when someone reminds you about the bday..N your exact reaction is - " Oh Shit... How could I forget... saala last year bhi yahi hua... N this time maine cell pe reminder bhi lagaya tha...crap.. N then you rush to the nearest Central/ Shopper's Stop and grab a gift voucher. This LAMO gift gets you the dirts, but atleast it's an improvement over last year when you got the cold shoulder for an entire week. N most importantly not too much time and effort was involved.
Yea... I belong to category 2 . Frankly I dont see what the big deal is... as long as no one forgets my bday and the steady flow of gifts keep coming in..

I mean... yea so I got you a voucher. Doesn't that mean I trust your gift-buying abilities more than I do my own.. Shouldn't you be flattered ?

In retrospection maybe it's this serious handicap which along with the fact that I rode a TVS Scooty till the third year of engineering ( thankfully it didn't have a basket in the front so you can stop sniggering now )being the reasons why I never even came close to having a girlfriend... any other reasons you can think of for this are welcome...

Bhai behen ka pyar...

Saturday afternoon:- Chennai was mauling Sharukh's knights which wasn't making for good viewing : so I switched channels just in time to catch the fantabulous beginning of Meri Taquat on Star Gold
Scene 1:- Rajaram Yelchuri Medical College
The quintessential behna( referred to as QB for brevity's sake from now on) walking out of a lab (after a hard day of autopsies no doubts) when she is accosted by the college ka gunda (CKG) with all the prerequisites for being a gunda in place, namely:-
1. A two week old stubble
2.First 3 buttons of brightly colored shirt open revealing a netted baniyan(preferably fluorescent orange).. bottom portion of the shirt tied in a knot.
3. Big ugly locket... gold if possible, dangling from the neck.
4. Silver earrings in left ear. Extra flashier earns more brownie points..
5. white shoes (plain white, no patterns allowed)
6. A group of at least 6 sub-gundas alll dressed in bright colors with cheap cooling glasses (at least 3 must be students of the college from the last 10 years and atleast one must have a bristling moustache )

QB: yeh kya batameezi hai... rasta chodon..
CKG: Baby..kahi dinon se tujhe nazar hai... chal ghumne jaate hai kahi..
QB: no dialogue... responds with OTS (one tight slap)
CKG: (lunges for her)... Saali tujhe pata hai mera bhai kon hai?? (Kyun tujhe pata nahi??)
Tharra King..Baaji Ganeshan... puri city unke naam se kaapti hai... aaja meri bulbul..
QB: Chod mujhe.. chod.. mera bhai kon hai pata hai??? Voh yaha 5 min main pahuchenge...
phir dekh teri kya haalat karenge voh..

Scene 2:-Baaji ka adda
A swank car( Maruti 1000 which for some reason they keep calling 'Benz car' throughout the movie) screeches to a halt to the beat of racy music.
First the shoes emerge...black, steel tipped of course.. the camera moves upwards at 2cm/min to the accompanying tune of - hero..hero..It stops just short of revealing his face. A resounding roar screams " Meri behen ko kisne chedha?"
Now this is the strangest case of telepathy I've seen to date. I mean is there some alarm that goes off in his shower every time his behena is chedoed?? Vadde log...vaddi vaddi baatein..

Baaji's goons come rushing at him from every imaginable direction armed with cycle chains, hockey sticks and broken bottles.
But surprisingly not one gun... (Sheesh Mr Baaji... Is this how you run a tharra operation?? I mean..really bleak career prospects for the aam Baaji gunda.. I mean atleast a desi revolver..)

Baaji:- (strong southie accent) Are kon hai re tu? Jo Baaji ke adde pe akele aur nihaata aaya hai?
N then flash-in from 5 different angles... the chants of hero..hero.. reach a feverish pitch as the 'bhai' is revealed..
It's none other then... apna VICCCTORRRY VENKATESH... The black leather overcoat in the sweltering heat,gargantuan Armani shades that look like the aftermath of a cataract operation... I'm kicking myself at this point... I really shud have guessed it's Venkie a while back.

Venkie:- Mera naam hai Laxmi Narasimha... tumhare bhai ne meri behen ko cheda hai.. ab tum sab gaye kaam se..As he says this there's a sound of thunder in the sweltering afternoon heat... i swear I'm not making this up..

Baaji's cronie( one of those thakur ka paan chewing munim types):- Baaji ka status(??) bina jaane tum yaha aa gaye.. Ab tu yaha se zinda nahi jayega..
Laxmi Narsimha:-Yeh status nahi stamina ki baat hai.. ( Next Horlicks add ppl we have a killer catch phrase... any takers?)
Mercifully the action begins right away.. Laxmi casually flicks the first attacker to deep fine leg. He crashes into a passing car probably haemorraging as we speak.
The next cronie gets the steel tipped spur boots flat in the stomach. Laxmi snatches the bike chain from his hands and then lets loose..
Hell hath no fury like a Laxmi Narsimha with a bike chain.
Within minutes the entire tharra group is lying sprawled in a heap. Laxmi then turns to Baaji who seems to have lost some of his earlier cockiness n become a wee bit more guarded.
A few well aimed punches n Baaji joins his henchmen.

The phone rings and the munim answers.. it'S CKG..
CKG: Hello.. Munim.. Baaji kaise hai?
Munim:- Abhi tak toh zinda hai..par aage ka koi bharosa nahi... pata karneko phone karte rehna.
(Dry humor han Munim... nice...)

His work now done, Laxmi zooms off in his 'Benz car'. One more screech of the brakes n he's in the Rajaram College.
CKG comes running and falls at his feet.. " Laxmiji hamein maaf kar do... mujhe nahi pata tha ki Nilu( oh so that's her name.. finally..) aapki behen hai..Aage se aisi galti kabhi nahi hogi..

Laxmi:- Tum Issstudent ho.. tumhara sar sirf kitabon ke saamne jhukana chahiye(N this is relevant how?)..Jao padhai karo.

Nilu(aka QB) comes running "Bhaiya bhaiya.. thanks bhaiya..
Laxmi kisses her on the forehead... dhyan se padhna bacchi... bye dear.

N the Benz zooms off into the horizon.

The spell was finally broken and I switched back to IPL to catch the last two overs of the Kolkata innings switching back just in time to catch the song sequence between Laxmi and his love interest who seems to have sprung within two Chennai overs.. Praise the lord..
The song goes like this..(N i quote)

dikh tak dhin kare dil meri rani..
dekh ke teri mast jawani..
koi nahi hai tere jaisa..
tu hai meri Mona Lisa...

Encore..

Home Alone -1 Creating Life

First things first.. the only reason I have started writing a blog was my first two New-year resolutions( losing 5 kgs and learning a foreign language) have met with a painful demise. So choosing the path of least resistance, I skipped down to resolution NO 3..(writing a blog)

This is the first of a three part series entitled "Home Alone" which describes my series of (mis)adventures trying to survive all by my own at home. My parents decided enough was enough... They were fed up of my laziness and decided it was time to bring out the big guns.
So one lazy Sunday afternoon comes the announcement, "Son we're going for a one month trip to Kerala. You will need to fend for yourself..."
Engrossed in 'Best of Friends' , realization of what 'fending' for myself entailed did not hit me until much later- cooking, watering the plants, ironing my clothes,cleaning ( Yeah we do have a bai but it sounds more dramatic when I include cleaning.. ) I broke out in cold sweat. Parents are just not supposed to be going off for vacations leaving hopelessly parasitic children in the lurch.
So D-day arrived. Mom and Dad bustled off in an auto rickshaw. Their smirks were almost demonic.. " Let's see how he wriggles out of this one" was probably what they were thinking to themselves.

The first few days passed off uneventfully. Except for the living room which looked like a mating ground for ostriches, and a few burnt vessels( How am i supposed to know you have to use copper bottom vessels to boil milk) I'd by and large avoided permanent damage. I felt in control of things and was actually getting a little cocky.
And I'd even managed a perfect golden brown egg the previous night. Bring it on - was my mantra right now for pretty much everything.
But then the misfortunes started. First the bai (I'm sure this was also part of the master plan to make my life hell ) announced that she wouldn't be coming for the next 3 days. The ungrateful wretch... this is how you repay me for all the times I actually lifted up my feet when you wanted to clean the rug while watching TV... Then everything began to come apart..
First I discovered that Mommy dearest had left a bottle of my favorite home-made lemon pickle, which unfortunately I'd forgotten existed. Now I'm sure you are aware of the natural cycle every food item follows when left to itself.
1. It first turns a pale yellow. This is the most harmless odorless warning stage.
2. This is followed by a shiny black colour wherein a white gooey ooze is formed. Odor has set in but still well within the realms of tolerance. If you want a better idea just hurt yourself on the shin. Then forget about it for 2 weeks taking special care to ensure that the wound remains wet. This should bring about the onset of the famous black puss stage which is pretty much what I'm talking about.
3. A orangey gooey slush with an odour like someone ripped out the insides of a hyena. And that too one of those disobedient hyenas who doesn't listen to his mom and doesn't brush at night.
By this stage people generally find the food item thanks to the sheer odour. This can be likened to nature's defence mechanism of waste disposal.

But thick- nosed adults like yours truly remain unfazed by Stage 3 and require Stage 4 to alert them that something's amiss.

4 This consists of a gray feathery residue. On close analysis (with my 8th standard dissection set ka magnifying glass), I saw that the feathers were merely shelter for similar coloured industrious wrigglies which were busy creating a city of their own. And the smell.... Gawd... I swear it smelt like alcohol.... (Mom Dad... I swear i don't drink...hic... burp... just happen to know what alcohol smells like... hic..)

So anyways, regretfully I'd to dispose of the dabba. Apparently these wrigglies had some acidic reaction kinda thingie with the steel dabba. So had to get rid of it to save my ass... Evidence removal main apun sabka baap hai...

That's all for now.... Part 2 details my experiments with my Dad's pristine white Zen... (which is not so pristine anymore...)